46 per cent spike in number of people using expert support to find true love in Northern Ireland
With lockdown restrictions lifted, reinstating the chance to socialise, and multiple dating apps available at the touch of a button, finding a potential love match in 2022 is easy. However, the two million people on the island of Ireland single this Valentine’s Day, would argue that’s not the case.
Feargal Harrington is the CEO and founder of Intro, a matchmaking agency based in the Republic, that has seen a 46 per cent spike in the number of people across the province seeking its expert services to find love.
With over 5,000 people north and south currently entrusting their hearts to him, Feargal has some advice for locals on where they might be going wrong.
Feargal says: “While I have found that people in Northern Ireland appear to be motivated and enthused at the prospect of finding love, many simply aren’t interested in putting in the effort or being even just a tad more open-minded.
“A really interesting barrier amongst people in Northern Ireland is location. Just this week I was chatting to a man in Co. Down, who simply wouldn’t consider meeting someone in Derry, Donegal or Dublin. I hear from people on a weekly basis too that they don’t want to look too close to home cause “everyone knows me in my area”.
“Open-mindedness is a really important quality to have when meeting someone new, and being in a new relationship, and often this sticking point on location can indicate why the person in question has struggled to find love.
“Looking at our clients in Northern Ireland alone, we’ve had 16 successful matches in the last 12 months – some of these connecting people above and below the border – but all of the people we supported in these instances were open-minded when it came to the geography of a potential match.”
Feargal also warns that an over reliance on online could be damaging. He explains: “Sticking with location briefly, people often have a 15-mile limit on their apps and wonder why the apps aren’t connecting them to people. There are twice as many women in urban areas than men so casting the net a little wider can make a huge difference.
“Online dating has, in my view, created a culture of disposableness. Spending too much time simply swiping right, swiping left and taking people on face value has changed how we value people and our relationships. Writing a person off because their belt doesn’t match their shoes, for instance, is too a fickle mindset to find something long-lasting.
“In fact, it’s this culture that has people feeling that online is a waste of time and they become negative, pessimistic and disenchanted by people which in turn makes them a terrible date. I’ve found that in Northern Ireland this is present not just with young people but right across the board including people in their 50’s or 60’s who you’d imagine have more life experience to know that a great pair of shoes doesn’t make a great person.”
Speaking of age, Feargal advises that any locals seriously looking for love needs to be mindful of their expectations.
He says, “Men can become extremely difficult on age when they get a little older. I receive calls from 65-year-old men having finally decided they’d like to start a family. Just last week a man somewhere in Co. Down was calling in a tizzy as his parents died and he needed to find a wife to produce an heir for the land. Women can be guilty of this too and will sometimes say “Well yes, I’m 50 but I look 40 so I want a 40-year-old”.
Feargal says that sweeping generalisations are very common. “Some people won’t entertain the idea of meeting someone separated because their last boyfriend was separated and think that must be what ruined the relationship.” he says.
When it comes to women in Northern Ireland, academic snobbery is often a challenge for Feargal and his team at Intro when meeting potential new clients.
“A mistake some women make is equating intelligence solely with academic achievements. Some will be seeking out a partner with a PhD from Queens and feel if a man has left school early that he won’t be on their intellectual level in terms of conversation. The opposite is quite often true as people have life experience and emotional intelligence to offer too.”
Feargal has also noticed that the pandemic has altered how we date with people in some instances having re-evaluated their lives and their approach because they’ve realised that finding someone to share life with is their main priority. However, on the other hand, it’s led to some backing away from dating altogether with the nervousness or apprehension seemingly too big a stumbling block to overcome.
Feargal explains that leaning into this is an excuse. He says, “I have worked with people of late that are based in Belfast or Derry – with thousands of single people on their doorstep – but they make dating too big and dramatic and are actively looking for the reasons not to date or coming up with excuses.
“We can all be guilty of the ‘what’s meant for me won’t pass me’ mentality but actually it will pass you. How can you be surprised to be single if you’re not proactive about meeting someone? Make this Valentine’s Day the push you need to get back out there with an open-mind and open heart.”
For more information on Intro Matchmaking visit intro.ie
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